Still at home. I'm contemplating whether I should still go to Disneyland on monday. The problem is that Xab is my ride there and he's not sure yet if can be able to go. I'll know by tomorrow. Another thing is that I don't want to go. I have a lot of homework and studiny to do but I do want to go because all the people I've befriended in the dorm are going. That would be fun if I could hang out with them and Xab at Disneyland. Well, we'll see how weverything goes.

We really didn't do much today. I studied every moment that Xab wasn't clinging to me. Hehe. My brother was annoying as usual. He's a funny kid but he can get pretty meand and annoying most of the times. He's turning thirteen in about a week so now he thinks he's not a baby anymore and that he's a 'man' or something. I still think he's a dork. That kid has some problems but I'll ramble on about him some other day.

I have this suspecion that my roommate is using my computer in my dorm right now. I'm guessing that hitting the main power switch behind the computer wasn't enough of a sign to tell her that I didn't want her using the computer. But she couldn't be that stupid to actually go online and show that she's been online for about four hours. Oh well. I've come to the conclusion that unless I really lose my mind, I have to live with that girl for about five more months. After that I don't ever have to see or think about her again. It's sad in a way. We were really close and stuff. We made other people jealous because we were close like sisters. But now that's all gone. I guess she didn't know that friendships are like flowers: you can't let them go unattended to or they'll wilt away.

Ahh. It's nice to be back home. Well I had a pretty long day. I had my psychology discussion class for the first time today. Couldn't find it. So I just took the little quiz on the internet. A little tough. I better study harder.

I was sitting in the park today trying to write a poem when my pen kinda exploded on me. It was pretty weird. My hand was covered in blue ink. I wished someone asked me what happened so I could tell them that I murdered a blue-blooded intergalactic alien. But I washed my hands. Ah, cleansed of my non-existence crime.

Well the ride home was interesting. I waited in the parking lot next to my dorm for about an hour before my mom showed up. I saw her coming over the hill so I began lugging my backpack and my hamper full of two-weeks worth of dirty laudry toward that hill. She waited until I was right next to her to see "Let's go to your dorm. I have to go to the bathroom." So that was fun hauling my laundry back up four or five flights of stairs. The traffic was pretty bad for about thirty minutes. It's funny how traffic just appears and suddenly disappears. It's like you're driving through the twilight zone and once you pass a certain checkpoint three-fourths of the cars just disappear. It's weird. Where'd they all take off to?

I heard what happened in Xab's neck of the neighorhood. Yeah, his mom is kinda.. cuckoo. But his sister doesn't help much it seems. I think Xab is the incarnation of Cinderella. ::grin:: Anyway, I'm sure evereything will work out in his house. If not, he can always go to my family for dinner, like he always does every week. Heh, no fair.

Why can't I just say no? She looks at me with that sorry, pathetic look in her eyes and I just can't say no. She's really good at turning herself into the victim. "Can I use the computer when you're done?" She says it like I'm some horrible, selfish demon, and I'm not! I think I should turn into one though. I wish I wasn't so mute all the time. Everyone's telling me to just tell her off, tell the RA, be a bitch about it. But what do I do? "Sure, when I'm done." I'm too damn nice and that's why I get taken advantage over all the time, by the underpaying neighbor who needed a babysitter, by classmates who like to leech paper and pencils off other people, by evil roommates. You know I wouldn't feel so bad if she gave me something in return. And I don't mean anything materialistic. Just say, peace of mind and half a year's worth of a good night's rest. That's all I freaking ask for.

Anyway, I'm going to Disneyland on monday. I'd rather go to Magic Mountain but since Disneyland is a lot closer and people in the dorm hall are all rollercoaster chickens we're going to Disneyland. I don't even understand the point of going to Disneyland. The rides there are for kids but my friends still sound kind of chicken. "Oh, 'It's a Small World' is good enough for me." Jeez, that ride is cute... the first fifty times you ride it and the first one million times you hear the tune.

I'm kind of reluctant to go because the friends that are going have all gone guy crazy. Sure, I really can't go boycrazy since I already found the darling of my life but even so, I would never act like them. It's kind of disgusting sometimes how they drool over guys the way the do and talk about them like they're dogs. "Ohhh, and I saw this other one today... I bet he was a half-breed!" It's like they've never seen a guy before. For goodness sake, they're part of the human species! They accuse me of not having any fun when they're 'scanning' the lunch crowd for some 'hottie'. It gets really annoying because I don't think looks are anything to lose your senses over.

Another roommate rant. Basically, she started using my computer last night when she thought I was sleeping. She can't live without a computer screen for even a freaking second. So she had to use mine since hers was broken. I was really mad. But as I was laying theter wondering if I was being irrational (for about three hours, while she typed away) I decided that I shouldn't say anything. I couldn't sleep since I was so mad. I told my mom that sometimes I wish I could live in a coffin because I can never sleep properly. Maybe if I sleep in a coffin, I won't hear her. Anyway, I couldn't sleep. I woke up late. Missed my first class. You bet I was annoyed.

This morning, I converted to aggressive music. Listening to mellow music just wasn't cutting it for me anymore. I'm thinking about talking to the RA about the whole situation but what do I say? I'm a really light sleeper and maybe she can't help it. So she goes through my stuff. Invasion of privacy is usually expected of a dorm. So she's extremely annoying. You're not expected to like your roommate. If only advantage-taking and false friendship was grounds for getting a new roommate.

It's 8 in the morning. My roommate gave me some problems at 2 in the morning again (i.e. she woke me up). I figured out the psychology behind her inconsiderate behavior. If she thinks I'm sleeping, she'll be noisy since I can't hear anything (but I explained time and time again that I'm a light-sleeper). If she sees that I'm not sleeping but trying to, she'll make noise too since I'm awake. Then there's my other theory. She simply doesn't care.

I think I'm starting to give in to her again. The whole being nice thing. I think it's my natural disposition to be 'nice' to people. But there's a difference from being nice and being taken advantage of. I hate how someone is making me selfish. I need to hoard things for myself and hide it, lock it with password so that no one will take it or use it, and think of me simply as someone you can take stuff from, not a friend and maybe not even a human being.

Some good news. Xab came back from the ER with the doctor saying that nothing was wrong. Of course, that was a hospital that's always under severe scrutiny and carries one of the worst reputations. They might as well call that place a graveyard not a hospital. Xab is trying to assure me that everything is fine and I'm sure it is. I just have an overly active imagination.

Three AM in the morning. What am I doing? Not sleeping, that's for sure. I just came back from having something remotely close to a night life. There goes studying and sleeping. Oh well. We had a good time. We played some cards and headed out for the nearest 24 hour fast food stop. I hope my newfound mini social life doesn't get in the way of my grades. After all, the only reason I came to school was to get a piece of paper that says I went to college for four years. But having a social life is good. I wouldn't consider my roommates to be close friends yet but maybe they will be one day. It's just nice to have people to hang out with that, taking your mind off your problems. Sometimes we just forgot how to smile and laugh and we need other people to show us how again.

Xab is still in the ER. It's irrational for me to worry since that won't help the situation and I'm 98 miles away. I told him over the phone that I was off to bed. But here I am. But I better get to bed. I need an early start for studying.