I'm missing my last cup of noodle and another water bottle. I also discovered that my extra cell phone battery and my earpiece 'mysteriously' disappeared. I'm not going to start pointing fingers at her because I'm not entirely sure of what happened to it and I really hope I'm wrong but [Insert profane language here relating to a particular female dog.] Ahh, that felt better. I had to rearrange my room again so hoard more of my things into my cabinet-turned-vault. I can't believe how dense she is. Or maybe she thinks I'm dense. But I don't think so. I counted the bottles of water, in front of her, before I left for class. Thirteen bottles. Thirteen bottles of water that MY family provides ME with. How many when I come back? Twelve. I don't even know how the number of bottles came down to thirteen. I drink a lot of water but I also had a lot of water.

Did I mention that she belongs to one of the Christian clubs? I guess she might have forgotten the Ten Commandments, so where I used to keep my water, I put a copy of the Ten Commandments highlighting "Thou shalt not steal". I'm doing her a favor by reminding her. I can't believe I have to lock things in my own room and hoard my possessions. Anyway, I'm off to my 3:30 class and then after that Xab's coming to save me from this hell.

2/1/2002 08:40:23 AM

To go home. Or not to go home. That is the freakin' dilemma of the day. I have less than four hours to decide. I should go home. There's really nothing to do here.. except study, which I can kinda do at home.. so long as Xab isn't at my house from dawn to a little past dusk. I want to go to get away from this third-floor hellhole but I want to hang out with my friends and procrastinate. But I want to get away. I have laundry to do. Darn, I don't know. I'll decide later. I have to finish this stupid essay.

I had a good day today. Xab came up all the way to my school to spend the day with me. Thursday's a pretty good since I only have one class and he has none. Anyway, we ate at California Pizza Kitchen, which was pretty good. We drove around because for some reason I was craving a boat ride. It was a nice day for a boat ride. We found two lakes but it turns out the boats were off limits to non-residents. Damn elitists. I took pictures of the lake anyway and we tried to chase ducks around. We also picked up a chain so I can lock up my cabinet since someone that lives in this room isn't trustworthy anymore. I hate the fact that she just goes through my stuff and I actually have to lock my things up. I am a private, secretive person but a chain and lock is ridiculous but now, necessary.

After all that, we went to a park and sat in the backseat being good people mind you and just held each other until the sun went down. It was a pleasant day. I tried not to think about my evil roommate and enjoyed my time with Xab and I did. It was good to get out of the hellhole for a day and spend time with my sweetie. Hehe.

Then we went back to my school. They were having a Hawaiian feast at one of the cafeterias and my friends wanted to go. Xab wanted to go, too, because he wanted to meet my friends. I still can't believe he paid almost $8 to eat at the crappy cafeteria. But it was probably a good night to eat there since there was a Hawaiian food and pacific islander dancers. The food wasn't as bad as it usually was so I guess he got his money's worth.

Overall a good day, and I can't wait to have more with Xab. :)

She makes me miserable. I hope she's the most miserable person I meet in my entire life because if someone can top her I'll really go insane. I was doing a random inventory of my food. She probably ate half the can of my chocolate sticks. She took one bag of milano. A couple pouches of Caprisun. Breakfast bars. One cup of noodles. And one bag of Milano. What does she think I am? CompUSA, Albertson's and the water refill machine all-in-one. I really didn't mind when she snuck a few candies and maybe a joice box here and there... But an entire box of cookies? It's not wonder why doesn't buy her food anymore. She's just taking it from me. I took all my food and stashed it under my bed. I'm thinking of putting it in my underwear drawer because I'll be damned if she actually goes through it get food. I'm so tired of everything she's doing to me. Physically. Psychologically. She's just draining me of material objects and energy in general. She really can't be that dense. Unless she just thinks I'm nothing. Just something she can take stuff from. I'm not selfish but I'm not a charity. What a brat. So tired of her.

I had dinner with my friends today. They really made up for what negative crap my roommate gives me. I want to go live with them now. It seems like we're going to have a lot of fun and that we really get along. And if we do get into conflicts we know how to work it out. I want out. I want to move out.

1/30/2002 03:08:07 PM

I talked to my mom. Actually, I just wanted to ask her if she could take me home for the weekend then she asked me what happened. She got on my case about not talking to the RA earlier and forced me to go talk to the RA. Actually, she didn't force me. She just said that if I didn't, she'd drive up her and talk to the RA herself. And that would be ugly. I told my friend that I slept in the hallway and she left a message on the RA's door and my RA found me at dinner time. She was understanding. It seems like everyone is on my side. I still feel bad for some reason. I know I really never directly told me roommate to stop whatever she's doing or try to keep quiet but I thought a couple muffled groans and many curse words would get the idea by. But of course, some people are slow. My RA said that she's going to have a meeting with me and my roommate to talk things out. I'm kind of nervous and the RA knows that. I don't want to make conflict with someone I live with. But I guess I have to.

My mom is seriously thinking about putting me in a single room so I can sleep. It seemed like a good idea when I was half-sane and then half-furious but now that I reclaimed my normal thinking, I don't want to anymore. I like my dorm. It's so convenient because it's near the psych department, and the library and it has the better food of the campus. And my friends are here. My roommate should move out. She never eats the dorm food, she doesn't know anyone in the hall and she's never around anyway. It would almost make no difference if she left but that's not really a choice right now.

I hate it here. I feel like I can't say that enough.

1/29/2002 03:57:17 PM

I know what insanity looks like. It's when the hands of the clock head south and the sun heads west. Yes, the face of insanity is the break of dawn through bloodshot eyes. Once again the Roommate from Hell strikes again. I really don't understand what could possibly be so important that you have to use the computer until the ungodly hours of the morning almost every night. Maybe if she was doing an important research project, or touching up on the online lecture notes or maybe even chatting with some long distance boyfriend then MAYBE my encounters with the mind demons would be justifiable.

I hate not being able to sleep. It's one of the worst feelings in the world for me because I feel so helpless. Strangling myself with the electrical cord or gouging a pencil into my chest seemed pleasant at the time. Of course, I just laid there hoping I would somehow fall asleep with the constant paper wrinking, keyboard tapping and mouse clicking. I guess I had a momentary lapse of control and sanity because I even started crying. I was so mad and frustrated with the fact that I couldn't sleep. Maybe I could cry myself to sleep. But that didn't work. I tried suffocating myself with the pillow. I got up a few times during the night cussing and walking down the hall, in case a neighbor would open the door to a tired soul. But everyone was sleeping. I finally settled on sleeping on the couch in the hallway. I could see through the window that dawn was coming soon but the feeling of laying down in a quiet, dark room free of flickering lights from a computer monitor and the annoying little clicks and taps was like the best feeling in the world. I giggled like mad. I was actually losing my mind. The tree outside was waving at me and the word 'duck' quacked at me. Not a duck but the word 'duck'. Disturbing. I don't know how. But it did.

I woke up around seven and for some reason instead of lingering in the hallway so that my neighbors could see what torture I go through everynight or perhaps to report me, I hurried back to my room and fell asleep for another two restless hours. I almost missed my class again. I really need someone to kick me to go to talk to the RA or something. I'm really not wanting to do that. Anyway if I get a new roommate she'd probably have some flaws anyway. I thinking about asking my mom if I can get a single room. I really can't live like this anymore. I think I'm even willing to live away from my friends for rest of the year just for the great experience of sleep.

Sleepless Sunday Nights. Every week. Why just Sunday and not any other day of the week? Because Cingular's free weekend minutes ends at 11:59. At least, that's what I think. I can never understand those damn cell phone contracts. You have interpret it the way in which they can most rip you off. Anyway, almost everynight, unless my roommate is around or either of us has a terrible night cough, Xab and I talk on the phone. We developed a bad habit of falling asleep on each other but it works. We actually sleep. So last night we hung up before midnight and I just tried to go to sleep. I almost did but then my roommate came back and she's not as noisy as before (noisy, nonetheless) but she makes all these little noises with the keyboard and the mouse and she whispers on the phone. I tried everything to go to sleep. CD player, hugging a stuff toy; heck I even put the earpiece back in my ear and tried to pretend that we were still on phone and that he was already sleeping. But nope. I have sunday night insomnia. At least on other nights of the week, I can fall asleep. It just drives me insane that it's 2 in the AM, my roommate is already snoring away, and I'm just laying there. Awake.

Today in class, the teacher called on me to act out the part of Isabella from a scene in Measure for Measure. Great, I thought. I mean, Isabella was a great character from the play but I can't act! I can't even speak in public. Anyway, she told me scene partner to act forceful and dominant. And me? Passive. Yes, that's what I'm best at. So there I was. With angry, passionate lines saying them like nothing. It was pretty funny because the class thought I was acting and being funny but it was really just the way I would have talked anyway. Dull and passive. I'm not all the time. I think I could take a stand or give someone a blackeye when needed to, but I guess the moment just never came.

Right now, I'm listening to the Mothman Prophecies Soundtrack which we got free during the sneak preview. There's some really creepy music and I'm tempted to turn it off but eh. It's all in my imagination. It's all in my imagination. I think I'm trying to prove to myself that I'm not afraid or maybe I like being scared out of my wits. Anyway, I'm still listening to it. It's creepy. I think you'd have to watch the movie first before you listen to the soundtrack for the full effect. That and listen to it at night. Which I probably won't do anytime soon. Hehe.

Today I was walking to class when I encountered one of the campus daymares: religion recruiters. I thought I escaped those doorknockers when I moved out but no, they're everywhere. They had perfect timing because I was off-guard and dazed that they had just suddenly appeared next to me. Creepy people. Before I could tell them that I was running off to a class they got me. They just kept talking and me being polite, just listened. Anyway, they were from a Christian club. I'm Christian but man, these people can really come off as coming from a cult. They're just so persistent. Not all Christian clubs at my campus are cult-like but this one is known to be. They asked me my name and my major. Upon repeating my name, they said it wrong but I let it go. Makes it harder to find me. I told them my major was psych and they were a little irked. Which is pretty funny. It's like Christians shouldn't be psychologists or else it would undermine the entire religion. No, I'm not trying to debunk the existence of God, I just like neurons and synapses and other nerdy stuff like that. They finally went away, when I didn't give them my address so they could send me a free Bible. I'm pretty sure they had good intentions but sometimes you don't really know.

One of the girls in the dorm I've been getting to know is very in-your-face. Not a bitch-like person that's ignorant and happy imposing her ignorance on other people. She's actually quite brilliant and strong-minded, where as a I come of as someone who looks like a half-wit with no voice. Sure, I'm not Einstein or even the best public speaker. I would actually think I'm the worse. I come off as someone boring. I wish I didn't. I wish I could be more well-spoken and assertive but I usually lurk in the shadows until someone pulls me out. Even then, I don't say much. I really don't think I'm a boring person. It just takes a while until I start sharing the nonsense that goes on in my brain.

Anyway, this new friend is the kind of person that makes you want to sit them down and interview them so you can write their biography or the kind of person that inspires a new, original character in your book. She just has so much to say and not normal things, like "What I want for Christmas is..." She talks about how she wants to change society, how she'd raise her kids in the future, always about the future. Everyone should have a friend like this. Someone that's hopeful yet realistic about everything. Someone to push you further but not off into a false wonderland.