What a long day. Actually, it really wasn't I only had two classes today but I had to type up an essay and talk about my thesis to the class. The funny thing is that I just have an essay, I don't know where the thesis is. I talked about my fear of talking in front of people so the during the whole time I was trying to convince myself that I'm not scared of talking, I'm not scared of talking, I'm not scared of talking. But I got scared. Probably because I was half away and I didn't know what I was talking about. The made me reiterate my BSed thesis about three times since she didn't know what I was talking about and she probably knew that I didn't know what I was talking about.

I registered for my classes. It's way off from what I originally planned. Since I'm allowed to escape from the tormenting humanities three quarter course and since the Filipino American experience class as well as the Asian American psychology class filled up, I'm going to take an upper-division psychology class. I'm kind of scared since I'm just a wee little freshman and but I don't think it will be too bad. I already fulfilled the prerequisite for the class and taking the class later won't make any difference from taking the class now. I also started on buying my books for next quarter. At most, I'll be spending $300 just for ten weeks of reading. The school's bookstore is pretty clever. You can buy the books new or used but do they ever sell used books? Yeah, like ten copies. I bought the book for my brain dysfunction class. Guess what it's called. "The Principles of Neuropsychology." That means I have three psychology courses. I'll either fall in love with the workings of the brain or completely hate it.

Anyway, I'm really looking foward to next quarter. It feels like I'll have more time and freedom from nonsense literary analysis. I'm so excited that I keep forgetting that I have two major papers due within the next eleven days and three finals to study for. It's not that bad, I know, but I feel like I'm completely out of time and I really just want out, now. It's been such a bad quarter. Well, no, it wasn't. My sister/roommate became my archenemy so that was a lost but I gained two good friends and I'm back with Xab. I should think of this quarter as a plus but I'm just really bitter about my roommate.

You know what's really odd? Everyone's been having car problems. Xab got a speeding ticket. (Wow, you're bad now!) Xab's mom got into a car accident. My dad got into a car accident. (Yeah, my dad got my very first car crashed!) But they're all fine. It's just strange how these events happened so close together in time. What's really ironic is that Xab's mom bought a van that's the same model and year as my mom's. Fortunately, not the same color. Then we'd develop a paranoia of grey caravans. Xab and his brother already have a fear of red Previas.

Tonight, my friends and I are going to watch the Time Machine. I really don't care but they're dragging me. They made it a point to take me after I started threatening to beat the crap out of my roommate. Yeah, roommate drama again. Nothing happen physically but there's just a lot of psychological tension between us. I'd get really close to getting up in her face and yelling her. And I'm not usually a violent person... most of the time. I never think about beating people up. Yeah, I think about playfully beating people up but I usually don't ever come to the point where I'm complaining on AIM and people are telling me to leave the room. It sucks. I feel so immature. The mature thing to do is to sit down with her and talk out our problems so that we can resolve these issues. The thing is that I really don't want to talk to her. I don't think it would resolve anything. Everytime we resolved things in the past, I'd have like a one week period of peace and then it would just start up again. And anyway, I don't even remember what these issues are. All I know is that I really can't stand her.

3/8/2002 08:44:43 AM

I'm tired and it's onlly 8:30 in the morning. I actually went to sleep later than my roommate. I was up until 1:00 am writing this essay. Actually, I was scribbling down words on a piece of paper and I think it's my essay. Now I have to type it up. Arg, so tired.

Oh, I should also mention that we may have found a domain hosting service: Aletia Hosting (click here). Free setup and domain for $8/monthly (paid annually). 200MB space and 10GB bandwidth.. unless I don't know how to read this stuff correctly. Sounds really good compared to what other companies are offering for similar prices but I'm kind of skeptical. There has to be some drawback but so far all the reviews I read are pretty good. If anyone has any dirt on this company, let me know. Otherwise, Xab and I will probably start pondering on what else to do with a domain and start a piggy bank massacre.

3/7/2002 11:39:39 AM

I have another stomach ache. I've been told that maybe I have some kind of annoying bug in my stomach. Then I changed my eating habits. I do my best to not eat so fast and wash my hands thoroughly before I eat. Then I tried to not run around so much. Then I learned that burping is good for you. But no, it's just the food. If you ever want to lose weight and not want to give up eating, come to my university's dining commons. Whatever you manage to force down into your system will not stay in. They should call it univeristy Dieting, not university Dining. We pay for weight loss not food.

I think after a really bad stomach ache I get a really good endorphine kick. Until the next wave of stomach pains that is.

Anyway, I talked to a counselor this morning and she said it's fine if I discontinue the humanities course. That made my day. Yay, no more senseless papers and evil TAs to bother for at least another quarter. Hopefully, taking classes I want will make me much happier and help me rekindle my nerdy enthusiasm for learning. Now, I'm off to write my last ever (I hope) humanities paper. I hate my thesis. It's suppose be on something on "how is citizenship gendered" during the French Revolution. So I answered the question. "Citizenship is determined according the the function of your sex." It sounds ridiculously obvious but I'm so sick of thinking about this topic. All my friends are talking about equal rights and blah blah blah, and they're really good theses but it doesn't seem like they're answering the question, whatever the question is. If you're a French history enthusiast, help me out. =P

I had another crisis today again. Well not really. I just tend to freak out when I think about my future. This time it was about my spring quarter schedule. The Filipino American experience class was full. Everyone must have just enrolled into that class as soon as the windows started opening. You know what that says. Filipino American studies is pretty popular among the students. My university offers a few Filipino classes but not Tagalog so a lot of Filipino students were petitioning for Tagalog classes. Unfortunately, they still don't offer them. It's kind of sad since they offer Chinese, Japanese, Korean and other Asian languages.

And then I realized that I really don't have to take Humanities. I really shouldn't have taken it in the first place because I was just wasting my time since alot of my GE requirements were fulfilled but I don't know what I'm doing. So after much freaking out, I decided not to continue with the course. It makes me miserable and it's sucking the life out of me. It's not hard or anything. I could try harder in the class but it's just draining. It's like psychological hegemony. You're always constantly thinking about what you're going to write for Humanities. Even Xab gets stressed out and he's not even in the class. (I'm always asking him for help)

So anyway, hopefully I don't have to take the rest of humanities because I picked out a bunch of classes that I like. Psychology, Asian American Psychology, Brain Dysfunction (enough of brain stuff already, huh?) and international relations. I really hope it works out because I'll be finishing a lot of breadth requirements and I can start on my possible poli-sci major. I'm actually excited about starting school again. It's refreshing to take classes you're interested in. The darn undergraduate counselor better give me the news I want to hear. Hehe.

I just came back from a screening of Harrison's Flowers. Go watch that movie. It's very graphic and emotional but it is very enlightening and stirring. I can tell that the movie was pretty underestimated because not a lot of people bothered showing up to the screening. Usually, the room would be packed but about three-fourths of the hall was filled. I think a lot of people thought the movie was a love story since it seems to be promoted that way but it's so much more than a love story. It's a look at the violent outbreaks of war in the countries that 'don't matter'. The movie follows a group of photographers through war-torn Yugoslavia. I don't know how to describe it. They filmed the movie as if you were there, running through the battlefields, dodging explosions and snipers. Even though it was fabricated, it's still a very real look at what goes on in these wars.

3/5/2002 04:12:57 PM

Argh, I'm annoyed. I have a research paper due in about two weeks. My topic is on the effects of sleep (or the lack of it) and cramming on grades and exam results. Pretty darn obvious huh? We all know we're suppose to not cram and get good rest before the test, but after hours upon hours of searching, it seems like NO ONE has ever did a study on these factors. It's like I found some big assumption about learning and memory and even though it is probably true, there is no data published about it. At least, data that I can find. If you know anything, please drop a line. I'm becoming deranged.

After studying the rise of Nazism in 1930's Germany, I was curious to see how strong Nazism is today, so I typed in neo nazism in the search engine. I knew I wasn't being naive when I told myself that I would find stuff, but I didn't expect to find so much. Just the fact that these materials exists hurts me. Reading those hate-filled words made my eyes well up with anger and I can still feel the pangs in my chest. It's not like watching Jerry Springer and watching a bunch of fools profess their ignorance. It's reading essays by educated people. I can't say it doesn't make sense. There are reasons why hate evolves. Hate can be explained but can it ever be justified?

3/4/2002 03:00:44 PM

I'm having a good day. At least so far I am. Hopefully, I'll have a good remainder of the month. Or better yet, a good remainder of the school year. I got my Shakespeare essay back. I swear, when she hands back the graded essays everyone has this look on their face like they could commit suicide right there. I, at least, have that feeling. She's such a hard to please TA. Anyway, she gave me a B+. Not exactly an A like I want but could only hope for but it's not the C+ that I dread. I'm relatively happy about the grade. I wish it could be better but I know it could be worse.

Also, I had a breakthrough today. It would be minor for many people but to me it's a big step. I talked in class. Voluntarily, too. I rarely talk in class. My whole life, I only talked when the teacher called on me. I don't know what happened this time. The teacher asked a question and I unconsciously raised my hand and I found myself talking. It was pretty funny how the rest of the class turned around and looked at me, probably wondering whose unfamiliar voice this is. I don't know what it was. I was just tired of being silent, I guess. The topic was on Nazism and it's pretty fascinating. Not the holocaust part. We're only going over material up to the point before the Holocaust but it's interesting to follow how so many people complied and how so many people didn't resist this horrible act. I really don't know much about the subject but she mentioned something that vaguely resembled a topic in psychology and that's when I found myself talking. It felt pretty good, actually. To talk about something you know about and offer something interesting. And it wasn't that bad. I don't know what I was dreading for the last 12 or 13 years of my life. Hopefully, my little breakthrough wil last and I won't recoil back into stage fright silence.

Oh terrible roommate, how do I loathe thee? I was in a pretty good mood until I saw her and she saw me, studying away. She decided to talk on the phone and laugh like a mindless hyena while I was working. So annoying. I really wouldn't mind if she left the room (even then, I could probably hear her idiotic self) or if she just toned down the insane laughter. But she doesn't. So I slammed the door. I'm sure I'm getting myself pretty close to getting my butt whooped but that's okay. I'm tired of this crap.

Xab keeps calling me. Right now, he's kind of babysitting my brother. I don't mind the phone calls but I'm so annoyed right now. My brother keeps harassing him for some reason. It sounds like he took his car keys so he won't leave but argh, I have so much work to do. Only two more weeks of school and then finals week, and the one week of spring break and then hell begins again (hopefully) for the last time. Whoo-hoo!