Cal's New Adventures

I moved in three days ago but here I am back at home. My parents were surprised though not really excited at my sudden arrival. I told them I got kicked out of school for kicks but really, there was just a free ride home oggling me in the face and I had to take it. My friend's, now roommate's, sister now goes to school in my hometown and their parents wanted to see them so my roommate had to go down to pick up her sister and then backup to their area. I just hitched a ride home when she went to get her sister. That was an adventure in itself. The two had a little sibling scuff. Since I was a tagalong, I felt like it was myself and that I wouldn't get a ride home but they got everything figured out. My roommate's such a sweet girl, it's strange to know how mature and social seeking her sister is.

I feel awkward when I'm alone with my roommate, the same girl, the one I actually share a room with. Around other people, we're chatty and comfortable, same with chatting online. I feel like I can tell her anything when I'm online. But when we're left alone, an awkward silence bears down on us. There's nothing to say when we're alone together. It doesn't help much that we're actual roommate and that we're going to have a lot of awkward silences since we're going to be in the same room and at the same time. I even mentioned to her the strange silences that come between us when we're alone and she's noticed it, too. We're just naturally quiet people. We'll talk around other people because our other friends just need to hear and talk..We're fine not speaking, pointing out the obvious and so forth. We're even comfortable in the awkward silences if that could ever make sense. Maybe it's a weird gay vibe. But I'm pretty sure I'm not gay. Still, it's weird. How can I talk to someone like they're my best friend online but in real life, I can barely say a word to? Oh well, we're both fine with it. She told me that she was never a person of many words and I was thinking of telling her that I was still scarred from my last roommate but I didn't want to bring up bad memories.

Hmm, what else? I've been living off siopao and stale pastries the past few days. We have no fridge and we're all pretty much too lazy to cook until we get the fridge. It's working out though. I think the heat is getting a little dangerous. I've been feeling dehydrated but I feel like I've been drinking so much water, I can't possibly drink anymore.

I saw Xab today. I've yearning to see him ever since I left. Literally. If I wasn't thinking about how much I'm trapped in this capitalist society's mold, being sculpted into one of it's economically viable drones, I'm thinking about and how... incomplete I feel. I'm able to put this into words and not sound desperate at the same time. He's not really half of me. Goodness, I hope I never become that desperate or dependent. He's more like my left arm, including the socket. Or maybe a piece of armor. I can live without my left arm or some scrap of fashioned metal, but it's just different and harder. I'm trying to get myself to not keep thinking this way. I keep telling myself that Xab isn't the only person in the world that I can communicate to, relate to, talk to. I have a few oddball friends at school, but I would rather be with Xa. I'm trying to change my thinking, but I keep questioning myself, am I just trying to brainwash myself so that I could become a drone? So I can make everything easier and just think like a drone.

The funny part was that I got annoyed when Xab first picked me up from our rendevouz point. It was probably because of that damn heat and all the sisterly bickering I had to listen to.