Food

Ah, what a long day, but here I am at home.

First off, I had a crazy day trying to get my TB skin test so I will be allowed to tutor some "disadvantaged" kids in the county. Why I put that in quotes, I don't know. Unlucky kids? Yeah, right. They're only unlucky because they're neglected by the system. But enough about the system. I'm tired of systems. Governmental systems, beauracratic systems, brain systems.

So there's this inch-wide rash on my arm. No nasty bump, just redness. I'm kinda freaking out about it even though I'll only know on Monday. If I do test positive, I wouldn't be surprised. I don't feel like getting an X-ray and swallowing pills for the next six months, but I guess it's better than nothing.

My cousin brought me home. I was kinda looking forward to taking the train home but she told me to refund the ticket and just hitch a ride with her. It's okay. We talk about a lot of stuff while she's driving. I guess it's because we're coming from the same place, the same family and it's good to get away from the school scene. I liked our conversation. She agreed with a lot of things I said, not that I like people who just agree to agree. She understood what I said about things I usually don't talk about. Like being Filipino. I told her about my Filipino history kick over the summer. Surprisingly, she's on one too. She ordered a couple books that she wanted to read. We also talked about how Filipinos generally differ from the other Asians at our school. Most other Asians speak their parents' language, don't try to hide their accents and don't really care about where they're coming from. She noticed that Filipinos like to deny and hide it. Even with our parents. We wondered about why they didn't try to teach us or even mention to us anything about history.

I guess it was easy to talk to her because we're pretty much in the same place, stuck lost in college and in cultural identity. It's cool though. She mentioned how we grew up. We didn't grow up together. We just knew each other but hopefully maybe things will change.

It just now made me realize why it's so hard to be open and personal with my roommate. She's a really good friend. But over the summer I forgot how to talk to her in person. We'd have these dead silences between us but we've accepted it. I used to think it was because I just come from a far off different world from her. She lived basically right next door to Hollywood with her doctor dad, analyzing films, and books and writing poetry. I don't come from a realer world than hers. I just come from somewhere a little more different. Actually all my roommates seem to live in another world. Like a cube. We're all staring at a cube and they're staring at one side but I'm not staring at that side anymore. I'm starting to think that I see something else but I really don't want to force it on people. It's something you have to see for yourself... how mundanely useless this world is setup and how different it could be.