Dang, why am I still awake? I thought with only 5 hours of sleep I would have been knocked out... 5 hours ago. Maybe this whole internal clock thing will break down tomorrow. Aghh, I got to get to sleep. I should find out of insomnia is genetic, because I think I'm a pretty good candidate for it.

12/22/2002 12:00:03 AM

Rabid Devil part 2

Today, my dad bought my brother an $80 bike. Dang, they didn't even want to buy me a bike (me, the bicyclist, the person that actually bikes the two miles to school five days a week). I don't know if my rabid monkey-devil boy threatened my dad with my knife too or my dad gave in just so that my bro would shut the heck up.

I was in a bad mood today. I went to sleep around three because my internal clock has been disoriented ever since I came back (I don't know why; it's not like I went through a time zone or something.) It's probably going to break down tonight though. I woke up with only about 5 hours of sleep because my brother was fighting with my parents again. It didn't help that when my brother and my dad came back from their little outing they came back with a bike.

My brother thinks I'm jealous because it's a well-known fact that I'm not going to get anything from my parents this year. I don't mind, they pay for me to live. I even told them not to give me anything. It's just that he doesn't deserve an $80 bike or anything nonetheless, especially after he's been acting the last past couple of weeks, months, year. What's that gonna teach him? Drive your mother half-insane, kiss ass to your dad and attempt to kill your sister several times (nope, yesterday wasn't the first time) and you get whatever the hell you want. It's lovely. For him, anyway. It's driving me nuts.

You know the saying it takes a village to raise a child? I think parents sometimes forget that they are still part of the village and neglect their duties. It pisses me off. All week, my uncle and auntie have been bugging me to take their kids out on errands, like little bowling league games, dentist appointments and school projects. I tried to deny as many of them as I can, not that I really don't want to. Okay, I really don't want to but I also think that it's not my place. Sure, I'll run them down to the dentist office if it's absolutely impossible for them to do it, but if you skip out on your son's bowling game and your daughter's checkup just so you can organize yet another mah-jong gathering? No.

I get sick of playing substitute parent. I think I've been for most of my life. And I'm only 19. And I'm really not good at it. Look at my brother. He's absolutely nuts. Why? Probably because he was half raised by his older sister who was silently out of it herself. I don't know who or what to blame though. Sometimes, things just turned out just because. My parents had to work. If they didn't work, we would starve and then comes a long chain of tragic events. I guess it's a choose your poison sort of thing. It's one screwed up, stressed out path or another.