I broke down in tears today. I was just so stressed out and when I finally got the chance to just stop, look around and think, I started thinking about my dad and the possibility that he won't come back. I don't understand why so many people want this war. It's fucking stupid. If you want a war, go fucking fight it yourself. I was with my director, the one that broke down in tears in front of us a few weeks ago, who is really anti-war. I thought she could understand and she tried, but it's my dad. I don't think a lot people realize that. They know people are going to die, that people aren't going to come back, that some of those people not coming home might even be Americans. I don't know how people got that faulty logic. Maybe it's because where I'm at right now, no one has a military parking sticker on their dashboard. No one's a military brat around here. "That's really scary," she said. But else can anyone tell me.

I know that if my dad disappeared, of course I'd feel like crap... but I'm not really worried about me. Me and my dad really aren't close. We love each other, I'm pretty sure. We're just not close. I worry about my mom and my bro. I know my mom needs her husband and my brother needs his father. Can you imagine how many fathers, husbands, and sons are being shipped off to this war?

And don't talk to me about duty. Yeah, my dad joined the military to protect this country, a country that at first wasn't even his - but you start to wonder what you're protecting it from and why you even have to protect.. what led it to this point?

Ugh, I have to write a paper on the "fading of the West." I really could write "The West can rot in hell." but I'm almost done. Might as well finish it instead of committing academic suicide, just so I can get the hell out of this class.

My dad's being deployed for the Middle East today. It depressed me when I heard his message. I mean, I've lived the navy brat life my whole life. I know what it's like to have my dad at the other side of the world. In fact, that's all I really know about my dad (i.e. I don't really know him). It pisses me off. He was deployed during the Gulf War and I just feel like he's given enough to this country. It's hard to comprehend why's he's going back there - why anyone is going back there.

He sounded pretty sad when he called. It didn't really hit me when I was listening. I think my mom, my brother and I have developed an intuition to just stop thinking about certain things. We never talk about possibilities. We just talk about what we know. And all we know, is that my dad isn't home.

I feel like crying right now but I'm really fighting it.. I feel like my jaw is about to fall off.